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Outburst 28: Sex Toys, Evil? No! – How Technology Can Improve Your Love Life

Recently I bought two different pleasure devices – one from Sex Toys 24/7 Shop and one Frisky Adult Shop – both are Australian based business – yes, I won’t precisely admit what toys I bought, but let’s suffice to say they both vibrate. The whole process of coming to buy the toys lead me to think about sex toys, and why I had never bought one before – here I was in my mid 30’s and hadn’t ever considered it. Now I have time to reflect upon my purchases, my thought processes and this is probably how I came to write this article.

Personally I’ve always thought that sex should never be painful or uncomfortable, physically or emotionally. While there may be awkward moments and sometimes even more when it comes to a stable relationship trust is what makes us turn on and try to break new sexual boundaries. Seeking new experiences beyond routine sex or meaningless fleeting encounters, is something that we should all aim to overcome.

Do you want to maximize your sexual encounters? Pay attention to these tips so you can have more pleasure during sex.

Finding the Problem

If we pay attention to our habits during sex, it is easier to identify what may be causing us to be uncomfortable or feel pain. Women are much more sensitive when it comes to this, as our anatomy is more delicate than that of a man and if we add the fact that it takes us longer to get excited we may be able to answer many questions you might have about sex.

Making love or even having sex is more than just an exchange of bodily fluids between two or more people. Personally, I’ve always liked communicating with my partner, sharing what I like or dislike and I like him to do the same with me, and this helps us connect as a couple. So I think this is the main ingredient in any sexual act, communication.


How to enjoy sex even more

There is no use talking about aphrodisiacs or positions if we do not share with our partner what is working and what is not working for us in the bedroom. Now we will get into the subject of increasing female pleasure, so take note.

Sexual Positions

Try positions where the woman takes control of the rhythm and speed. Not so much that she becomes a dominatrix, but because this way the woman will be in control of the speed, and the depth of the penetration. This makes it easier to avoid pain or a surprise deep thrust of penetration and so you can both enjoy the experience. This also means that as a woman, you will come to know what positions you enjoy, are comfortable with and how you like sex with your partner.


Relax, enjoy and ask your partner to give you the right amount of time to get on the same page as him. Ask him for more foreplay like kissing, fondling, oral sex and games that will ensure you are ready for much smoother penetration and stand a better chance you will both reach climax at the same time.

Foreplay is better if it is symmetrical, reciproctaed and understood. Bearing this in mind will help to strengthen your relationship which in turn will keep better sex on the menu and a better relationship.

Sex toys

The use of toys or other ideas you might have is great as long as you feel comfortable and are both in agreement regarding your limits and dislikes. Never do anything just to please your partner without prior agreement and do not force your partner into anything he is not comfortable with either. Take time to experiment so you can find things that benefit and are pleasing to both of you. This will aslo strengthen your bond.



Our brain is our primary sexual organ so even though it is easier said than done, it is important that your mind is completely free to work towards better sex. For me as a woman it is often difficult for me to disconnect. My mind is always thinking about what I should make for dinner, the clothes that have to be washed or the next article that’s due, all while my man strives in vain to please me. There is nothing less sexy than a partner who is tuned into another channel during sex. So try to relax and be where you are when you are with your partner and enjoy the moment.


Advice from a sexologist

For this article we have searched for the advice of a professional sexologist to guide us on the issue at hand. We are hopefully providing you with the general outline of how to more easily achieve pleasure in sex and orgasm with your partner.

Medical sexologist Luz Jaimes, from the Associate urology service in Puerto Carreno, a Hospital of Caracas and host of the sexual education radio program, ‘Skin Inside,’ on 92.9 FM Caracas came to the rescue. Apparently the key to a satisfying sexual life is simple: think about sex, think about it some more, and do not be ashamed to admit to yourself what you like.

“When a woman comes into my office and tells me she has a dysfunction of any kind such as dysfunction during the excitement phase, orgasm or coitus, I always have to ask her if she thinks about sex. If you build fantasies, if you are motivated sexually with your partner, if you take sex as an important part of your life,” she told us, it is just as important as any other part of your life and it should be treated just as seriously as any other part.

Another simple trick that can help women is to practice the now famous Kegel exercises, which are exercises that work the vaginal muscles and help maintain vaginal tone. It can give both sensitivity and strength to your vagina, and this in turn will give you better and better orgasms and in turn a better sexual life with your partner.

We also recommend both women and men should practice exercises that give your perineum better tone and strength, such as stretching or pilates. These muscles, when trained, will give you better response during penetration. “This is a good idea, and it helps to be a good lover,” said Luz Jaimes.

Well, you have plenty of tips and tricks from a professional to improve your sex life. Now all you need is to put it into practice and then let us know how it goes.

Author: Dr. Kay Young is an Australian psychologist with published works on relationship counseling, sexual therapy and building strong, loving and lasting interpersonal relationships.

Published inOutbursts
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